Ad Astra Per Aspera

Journal Excerpt -

I often wonder about the legitimacy of emoticons in otherwise non-internettish writing. They’ve certainly become a staple of text-based communication, but I typically find myself wanting to use them in serious writing to easily express the tone I intend. Take the emoticon above - ^_^. There is a lot of context in that face. First of all, it derives (I believe) from Anime, in which a similar face indicates an unmistakable brand of unabashed cheerfulness. The simple appearance of that face, for anyone familiar with the genre, creates a concrete mood to that with which the face is associated - I know exactly what someone has in mind when their sentence ends with ^^ or something similar. I’d love to see this become integrated with the English language, despite there being so many potential problems (unfamiliarity with context/background, multiple meanings leading to potential ambiguity, so on.) Even if acceptable, how does punctuation figure into their usage? Language is so delightfully dense! ^_^

Journal excerpt

“On Facebook, someone just wrote “If life gives you lemons …” I immediately commented “Place them in a burlap sack and use them to beat life over the head and demand a refund.” I made the remark without thinking at all, but on reflection it really does illustrate my attitude towards life and the trials I’ve gone through.

I have definitely taken hold of my lemons and have made it a large part of my self-awareness. I’ve adopted a sullen, rebellious, disrespectful attitude towards the life and the circumstances that put me through all of this. I have refused to accept the bad things I’ve gone through - refused them as “just something that happened, oh well.” I find myself unable to let go of them without some kind of resolution. I can’t swallow an injustice done to me - I shouldn’t have to. It’s unfair and I value myself more highly than that. I am demanding a refund from life.

Is this attitude healthy? It’s certainly combative and leads to internal conflict and angst. Is it leading me towards something more comfortable? Something better? A lot of me thinks so; if I didn’t believe I was doing the right thing, I wouldn’t be doing it.

I do recognize, though, that it’s kind of an ungraceful attitude. I am definitely devoid of any serenity or oneness. However, I believe that many who ARE serene are not genuinely so. When I reach the point where I’ve healed, I’ll be all set. I’ll have done all my homework. All my debts will be paid. I will know myself, know my place in the world, and be at peace with my turbulent past.

This is true because I am grappling with that past NOW, while it’s still fresh. I did not stop to rest between being dealt a blow and seeking out my attacker. I didn’t recover. I am fighting while still injured, and will rest and recover once there are no more threats. This is all a little overstated and dramatic-sounding (there will never be NO threats), but feels very true and resonant for me.

Musings in-class

Philosophy of religion class. I don’t like the professor’s teaching style; it’s not at all engaging. I suppose it’s not his fault - this is an analytical philosophy class.

As much as I pride myself on my strength at analysis, I often don’t like analyzing philosophical arguments in depth. Formal logic, the whole paradox of the stone thing, don’t really resonate with me. They’re interesting, sure, but only in an abstract sense. They don’t say anything about what a person’s perspective is like. A person can say “I believe in god”, and an analytical philosopher can analyze their “reasoning” and say “no, you’re wrong”, and it won’t change their mind, it will only confuse them.

Why? Philosophical matters are often very personal, influenced more by a person’s psychological landscape than anything. The analysis of ideas doesn’t have much to do with the weight of a felt sense of how the world is. I’m not saying analytical philosophy has no place, just that its attempt to make the human experience rigorously tested is what leads to our absurd existence. Sad face. =(

I can feel the world getting smaller.

Go check out this link. I’ll wait.

How about this one?

Or here:

It seems that pretty soon, there’ll be nowhere to hide. All these articles are pointing at a future where, if you’re a normal participant in mainstream social media, someone will be able to surreptitiously snap your picture and find out everything the internet has to say about you.

On one hand, that’s fine with me. I’m generally pretty consistent; the face I present online and off are one and the same. I’ve never indulged in internet anonymity, and don’t care to. However, I’m aware that’s not the norm. I can picture the masses being outraged at this “invasion of their privacy”. 

On the other, I can also imagine some starting to talk about Orwell having only been off by 30 years or so. Funnily enough, my second band had a song called “Orwell Wasn’t Off By Much”. It was more one of  those lyrics that referenced a text as a badge - “I know what this is!” Still, seems a little eerily prophetic. What would it be like to have no privacy? Not just momentary, physical, even mental privacy like in “1984” … a persistent, accessible datastore that violates your right to secrecy, if there is such a right.